I love music and dance. Whenever I feel stressed, and have that low energy, music in any form puts that pep back into my life – be it vocal, instrumental or whatever. I started learning Guitar but could not learn it as the teacher moved to some other city. Started learning dance but had to leave because of a sad incident – this teacher took us (the group) to perform in Durga Puja and made this decision at the last minute. We were not able inform back home and she said that her house cleaner will do that for each one of us. As kids, we did not realize the importance of informing our parents about it and another thing that we trusted the house cleaner that she will do her duty and inform our parents.

However, all the excitement of giving a spectacular performance at the Durga Puja vanished when I reached home. My parents were fuming with anger… as they had no idea where I and other girls had disappeared!!! Yes, your guess is right – the house cleaner did not inform them. They took out all their anxiety, anger, worry on me. That was the last time I performed or danced.

Still these two i.e. music and dance remain with me as my first love. May be that is the reason it (the love for music and dance) has gone down to my daughters. Oh yes, I am blessed with two beautiful daughters – my elder one is learning Guitar and younger one is learning Kathak.

[su_box title=”Give A Thought”]Do you see any connect to that? Has something like this happened with anyone of you? Can you relate any of your childhood experience – one thing that you always wanted to do but could not and now consciously or unconsciously living that passion of yours through your children?[/su_box]

In addition, yes I have seen that parents do have vicarious desires for their children…and if you think you do not fit into that category of parents then you probably are an offender. So, instead of denying or accepting what we really need to look into is:

How to keep these Desires Healthy?

1. Be Aware:

By being aware of these desires, we will be able to keep them from becoming an overwhelming part of our parenting techniques. Because if these desires remain subconscious within us, we may not sense how much pressure, we are placing on them. However, the child will feel the pressure.

2. Be Involved (but not over the board):

It’s good to be involved in our child’s activities but at the same time we should be cautious of not moving into their space too much. Even if it’s encouraging we should not always be the loudest parent standing and shouting just to cheer the child. We probably should refrain ourselves from reviewing their single action for perfection every time.

3. Be Away:

Yes, as parents we enjoy being involved in everything our child does. However, in our attempt to be a Perfect parent we unknowingly become Helicopter parent. Moreover, always remember that there is no such term as a Perfect Parent. Our over indulgence into our child’s life signals two very harmful messages to the child, and they are:

            a.  First, the world revolves around my (the child’s) schedule.

          b. Second, my success is of utmost importance to keep everyone happy, as my parents care more about my actions than me as an individual.

So, as parents it is nothing wrong if we live vicariously through our children to some degree. However, at the same time, it becomes all the more important for us to do it in a way that keeps us and our children from resenting the time spent on their activities when they are out of the house.

Have you also experienced such urge when helping your children take decisions? Did you feel nostalgic? Let me know in the comments below.