Adolescents and Teens – How Parents of these Young Adults feel and how do these children see the world.

Adolescents and Teens… Their primary goal is to achieve independence. Thus,  they start pulling away from their parents. This can feel that they do not want their parents around them the way they used to.

Parents may find themselves wondering as to what happened to my child suddenly –  who previously used to ask and then behave in the manner I wished NOW has started asserting himself /herself, has strong and at times rebellious opinions.

This is based on my experience of interaction with lots of parents of teenage and adolescents nowadays. Moreover, I am parent of a teenager myself.

What to do as parents of Teens? 

First,  Ask yourself:

1. Am I a Controlling/ Critical Parent? Or a Nurturing Parent?

2. Do I Listen to my child? Listen to really understand.

3. Do I allow my children to have different opinions and tastes from me or my expectations?

Introspect. Take a deep breath. Relax n Smile.

You were so excited and eager to be a Parent, to have a child. You were on cloud nine when that little bundle of joy came into your world.

You have done your best from getting up at odd hours to feed your child, changing nappies, taking care of him or her when he/she was unwell, managing toddler temper tantrums, and school blues.

Then why are you so hassled, lost with this phase called “Teens”. You yourself have been through this phase, isn’t it???

What needs to be understood is that the teen years are a period of intense growth, not only physically but also intellectually and emotionally. The child himself / herself is struggling to understand the change he or she is going through. What these kids need is a much more patient,  calmer, understanding parent. Not the one who has only high expectations and is quick enough to point out the slightest mistake.

Though very easily it can be a period of tussle, arguing and conflict between parent and child, but with a little understanding these years can be turned into a time to help children grow and blossom into distinct individuals, personalities who have a balanced head over a balanced body.

Five ways for better Parenting during the Teen Years :

1. Reflect Back and Hug Your Child

This teenage is not new for you.  You have passed through this age. Remember your days. Your children are your reflections. They may be a little different but genetically you have lots of similarities.

Being different is OK. Accept the way he/she is –  quiet, reserved teenager (OK) ; bubbly, chirpy, talkative teenager (OK). Do not try to fit them in your own self defined framework as to how your child should be. Comparing with others –  please stop doing that immediately.

[su_box title=”Ask Yourself” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]How do you feel when your child compares you with parents of his/her friends? [/su_box]
When your child was an infant, a toddler –  you used to carry him/her in your arms,  cuddle him/her, gave him/her that warmth, love and positive strokes by holding him/her close to you and speaking very politely, with respect.

What now? He/she is still the same child –  just a little grown up,  taller than you (may be). But he/she still has that craving for a warm touch, a cuddly hug, longing for that exclusive time.

If you find it missing or the frequency reduced, start working on it. Hug your child, pat his/her back, point out the positives, spend some time together without any specific agenda.

Life is a celebration. Celebrate and stay happy.

2. Share with your Teenager

Share what? Share your time, your feelings, your thoughts, your views.

Most of the time parents do not strike or hesitate in starting a conversation with their children considering they will not be interested. Or how will they react.

Pick a neutral topic – choose any interesting headline, talk about a character from the movie you watched together, talk about the latest fashion trend for teenagers and listen to their views or share how was your day…..

[su_box title=”Unbolt” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]If you want your teenage children to come to you and share about their day-to-day happenings, their feelings, their experiences – You first need to unbolt the door from your side and let your children enter. Make them feel welcomed enough to open up with you. [/su_box]

To stay on talking terms and be connected is a two – way road. You cannot expect your teenager to share with you if you do not share with them.

3. Make Family Rules

Making rules does not mean binding children or other family members with tight ropes. However, these rules help everyone in the family to be respectful and understanding about others.

The responsibility to ensure that these rules are adhered to is on the shoulders of the parents. Always remember that you are under cctv surveillance of your children. Children are great imitators!!

Once in a while loosening up on these rules is OK. But when to do and how much, this decision has to be chosen wisely and rationally. If your teenager is not too keen to go on an outing or to attend that wedding of your best friend’s cousin – respect his/her decision. Remember you also behaved like this at certain occasions when you were a teenager.

[su_box title=”Family Rules” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]These are meant to provide a healthy structure and environment for learning; learning to take responsibility and be accountable for one’s actions and choices. Make the most of the quality time spent together while framing these family rules. Everyone needs to understand them and abide them too. [/su_box]

4. Strike a Balance

I am sure you all must have heard the common saying, “If they (children) hate you, you are doing right.” But this saying at times, sends incorrect messages to parents, especially who have teenagers, as they are already constantly questioning and doubting their decisions!!!

We all understand the importance and value of having balanced spices in our food. Similarly, BALANCE  is the mantra for any relationship to remain healthy, happy and flourish. Some parents feel that anything their children do, it is their right to know everything. Be cautious…. If you want your young adults to become a person who is able to think rationally, analyze and then decide; you will need to trust him / her and grant some privacy. Definitely you should not expect to be tagged along every time wherever he/she goes.

Show and have trust. They are a part of you. Make it clear politely but firmly that if the trust gets broken, he/she will have to face consequences (and these should be taken care of while you are making ‘Family Rules’. Remember point number 3.

[su_box title=”Always Remember” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]You are their parent and not their enemy. If you balance today, tomorrow they will.[/su_box]

5. Create Your own Unique Style

Always remember that your children are your part. No one can understand them better than you. You are the best.

Do not be too anxious. It is just that they (your children) are growing, trying to adjust with people, situations in their own adult way along with inputs from all others around them. For them also it is all new experience, feelings which they are struggling to understand not only physically but also emotionally and intellectually.

Be their best buddies by:

• spending some time with them,
• talking about interesting things,
• laughing with them, and
• giving them their space.

[su_box title=”Two-Way Road” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]Always keep the communication channel open between you and your child.[/su_box]
HAPPY PARENTING!!! 

Feel free to contact for any specific help related to Parenting, Relationships and/or Career. I am always there to help you help yourself.

Share your parenting experiences in the comments section below. It is always good to learn from each other.

You are invited to join us on May 7th, 2017 as we conduct a review session with our participants and their parents of our signature workshop 3E-Explore Express Empower at Hotel Lemon Tree, Aerocity. Feel free to connect with us, to know details about it.

You may also like to read:

Teenager Term History

Discipline vs. Punishment for Children

Art of Understanding Your Child