Mind The Gap

• She sent a message to her best friend. And kept on staring at the phone waiting for an instant reply. But the gap……

• He called his fiancé, the phone rang for few seconds and got disconnected. He kept on staring at the phone waiting for it to ring immediately. But the gap……

• She finished the report by working extra hours as it was declared urgent by her boss. She submitted it well before time. And then kept on waiting for the response, feedback from her boss. But the gap….

• He asked his wife to come a little early to sleep when she came to keep the water bottle by his side at night. She replied, sure. I will be back in few minutes just going to check on kids if they have slept or not. He kept on waiting for her to return. But the gap…..

The gap. We all have experienced and still experience this gap in our lives in so many ways at so many moments.

What do we do? Do while experiencing this gap? Waiting for that message, for that call, for that feedback, for someone to return, and so on…. What do we do?

We start to fill this gap with our thoughts, our emotions. Isn’t it?

Now, take a gap. I mean a moment and reflect. Are the thoughts, emotions that we have during such gaps, Healthy or Unhealthy?

Healthy means that you will be concerned, may feel sad, disappointed, or even experience sorrow during these gaps but will still remain functional. However, if the thoughts, emotions are Unhealthy then you will be anxious, depressed, have the feeling of shame, or feel hurt.

We human beings are so expert in filling these gaps with all the unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We know how exactly to make our own selves feel bad, sad, worthless, unlovable.

But at the same time, it is we human beings who also have the potential for rationality, to think logically, and be non-judgmental, not only about our own self but also about others and about life in general.

So, instead of filling those gaps with ‘Absolute Musts, Should’ we can fill them with ‘Preferences’.

How? Continue reading….

Unhealthy: My best friend MUST reply to my messages immediately. When she does not do that it means I am no more on her list of best friends which is awful and that makes me worthless.

Healthy: I would PREFER to have an immediate response to my messages from my best friend but if that does not happen, it no way means that it is awful and it does not make me worthless.

Unhealthy: My fiancé, wife MUST always answer to my phone calls and follow my instructions as it is. When this does not happen, it’s awfulizing for me and it means that I am not important in her life.

Healthy: I would PREFER that my fiancé, wife answer my phone calls, follow my request, instructions but if that does not happen it no way means that I am not important in her life and it is not awfulizing for me. 

If you are able to relate your situation to these ‘absolute musts and should’ and find that these are preventing you from reaching your goals then try replacing them with ‘preferences’.

To understand this in more detail and experience the healthy change, feel free to contact me.

It is so vital to understand this in the context of Parenting & Relationships. Starting next batch of my signature program to become an effective counselor for your children, called REAR© – REARING EXCELLENCE AND RADIANCE from 15^th February 2021 till 26^th February 2021. Feel free to contact me for details and registrations. Pre-registration is a must.