Taking out Anger on your Children

Taking out Anger on your Children

Do we take out ANGER on our children?

My response is ‘Yes”. Though not every time but it does happen. We all are humans, aren’t we? Nothing to hide about it or play with words to make it look glorified.

What is expected from me and what people around me think is that I know the ways and have tools in place to manage my emotions and ‘Anger’ being one of them.

Yes, I do not deny but at times when emotions are playing snake and ladder inside you it is too difficult to be aware of sanity.

Scene 1:

Me with my daughters. They preparing for their exams and me present there to help them clarify their doubts and just be around as a moral support.

A lot of thoughts going in my head. Just then the phone rings to inform that the maid would not come.

Mother-in-law starts on hearing about maid not coming. “She does this all the times. Thousand times she has been told to inform in advance…at least a day before. These last minute calls and unplanned chutti”…

At the same time I hear the tussle between my daughters.

Jiya: Di, please explain properly. Mujhe nahi samajh aa raha.

Naisha: Wait Jiya. I am doing something and then I will explain.

Jiya: No, first help me with my problem.

Naisha: Why can’t you wait? I will explain once I am over with my work.

And blah….blah…..blah

I could see my own control slipping out of my hands and I just burst out on both of them.

Poor girls, they do not know why are they targeted and for what. They freeze. I move out for my session.

While driving I was constantly thinking of what I did (as normally I do manage my emotions and anger).

Was I feeling guilty? Yes.

Was it incorrect to feel guilty? No.

Could I have handled the situation in a better way? Yes.

How? By not reacting.

And what else…. By moving out of the frame for some time, calming myself and then coming and talking to my girls. 

Look, I know but at times it just happens. So now I cannot change the past but what next I could do or rather what I did was…..

I reached home around 8:30 pm and it was dinner time. I got fresh and then asked my husband to join me and my daughters in their room. They were busy packing their school bags for the next day.

Scene 2:

I started that I have something to say to all of them. And God, they were like “Now What”!!!

I started by saying “Sorry” for my behavior in the morning. I accepted that the way I reacted was absolutely uncalled for. It was not their fault. And next time, if ever, I become aware of my control going out of my hands…. I would tell them that and then move out from there. Phew !!!

“How does it sound?” I asked.

After a few seconds of silence, Jiya says, “Better Maa”.

I smile and hug her tightly. Naisha joins in and then we hear my husband’s voice…. “I am here too”. We wave to him to join us and then we have a family hug.

[su_box title=”This made me feel better.” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]This made me feel better.

Why did I do this? Was there a hidden agenda behind it (Role-Modeling kind of)? Have I set some kind of expectations from my daughters or from my husband?

The answer is a big NO. Purposefully, I did not do it to set some kind of example. I did it because I wanted to do it. It made me make peace with my own self. I felt light. [/su_box]

If this has sowed some kind of positive healthy seed in my family members mind and heart nothing like it. Even if not, “That’s OK” because they have a mind of their own and have their own choices to exercise and see things from their own perspective.

However, it would be great to know your views on the pickle that I was in and the way I managed to come out of it. Kindly leave your comments and thoughts below.

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4 thoughts on “Taking out Anger on your Children”

  1. Dear Kavita,

    I really appreciate your gesture of “Saying Sorry” to your kids the same day before they went to bed.

    This has a very profound impact on both your relationship with your children, the rapport you share with each other as well as has a positive impact on their personality.

    Clearing the daily grudges with your family members regularly helps maintain your peaCE of mind and goes a long way in maintaining peaceful and harmonious atmosphere in the family too.

    Last, but not the least it teaches our children the art of apologising if ever they commit any mistake with any of their friends or family members.

  2. It is really one of the best ways to compensate what one did. Realizing what you did and then pacifying the situation just by showing your love is something that only parents can do and teach their children too. By pacifying, sharing love we save thousand of other moments which could be lost in a fit of anger.

  3. It was indeed a very effective way to set an example to your family,though not intentionally, the art of handling anger and apologising. Children are great observers and do follow their parents. Here in this situation apologising came naturally and earnestly…And was well taken by children …But if the same situation was faced by a child and if he apologised later… Parent’s response is entirely different. Usually parent has the ‘i told you so ..’ attitude that makes the child irritable. This aspect is a point of concern too in parenting!

    1. kavita@jina.co.in

      Thanks for sharing your views dear Pratibha. You are absolutely right to point out that parents have an entirely different way of reacting and responding. To add on to your thought…each parent has his/her own unique and distinct way. That is why I truly believe that parents need to learn, unlearn and then re-learn before preaching, if they wish to do so. 🙂

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