“How many times I have asked you to clean up the mess in your room.” “It has become everyday story but you still do not understand that you need to check your uniform at night itself.” “Why do we have this debate every time before eating?” As a Parent do these statements sound familiar?
Then there is crying, screaming, not listening to your directions, instructions, throwing tantrums, showing attitude, coming up with all sort of excuses…….
If you find it a part of your family especially when dealing with your children then stop blaming yourself or your children for such tiffs every day. Rethink for a moment . There is nothing wrong in the way you are bringing up your children. It’s just a matter of “Asking Right Questions at the Right time and in the Right order.”
Questions could be for your children, other family members or even for your own self.
The mistake that we all do is that we think people especially children do something because they understand and follow the reasons, logics given by us. Well, not actually. People especially children do something when they have their own reasons for doing things – not the other way round. They do things because they believe their own reasons, logics more deeply and strongly. Thus, as a Parent or a Leader your role is to reset, reframe the question and help, guide, support children, people in finding, coming up with their own reasons for doing things. Trust me it works a lot better.
By asking right questions in the right way at the right time you actually make a strong impactful connect with person on the other side of the conversation. You build agreement using the other person’s perspective and not on the basis of what you think. By asking right, interesting, meaningful questions you help in raising the interest bar and get people, children easily and immediately engage. When this connect and engagement happens there are real bright chances of making things happen and helping people, children move themselves in the direction of doing right things at the right time in the right manner.
[su_box title=”The Key Here Is:” style=”glass” title_color=”#ffffff”]Asking right questions the right way at right time actually helps develop critical thinking. It helps raise the ability to be strategic. Ask open-ended questions for the communication to keep flowing. [/su_box]
However, just a word of caution…. Even if the questions are framed wisely using the right words and are being asked at the right time… Do not ask too many. With a volley of questions children feel the pressure and may withdraw themselves from answering any.
Moreover, value and treasure the questions your children ask you. It is okay if you do not have answers to all their questions but it is not okay to not even try finding and then answering.
The year 2017 is coming to its end. We all are in the last month of this year. Take a pause and reflect the way in which you have nurtured your parent-child, husband-wife, boss-employee relationship on the basis of “Asking Right Questions in the Right Way at the Right Time.” Well, what better than starting right now to build this Life Skill of “Asking Right Questions” so that the New Year comes in with more bigger, brighter, shinier smiles and hugs from your loved ones for the loved ones.
Asking right questions is an art and it helps your children and team members find the most effective solutions to their challenges on their own. Right and effective questions inspire people to think in novel ways, help increase their confidence, competence and their ownership of the results.
We at JiNa-LivingPositively are constantly working on helping you empower self by learning, strengthening such Life Skills. JiNa is a Life Skills Training and Counseling Center located in Gurugram for Parents, Children and Professionals. We would love to listen to your challenges and be a support system to you.
Kindly contact us for any query of yours on Parenting, Relationships and Career. It would be a pleasure to read your comments that you leave here below the blog.
Wishing you a super fantabulous happy and blessed New Year – 2018.
This is a real skill to master – so often we ask too many questions and don’t wait for the answers. To develop critical thinking the answers are not nearly as important or significant as the questions asked.You can have differing values, and opinions, but if the question is a good one, the main message is that ‘this is a significant thing to think about’.
That itself is the core of all good education. (what merits our attention?)
I have been asking my child how accurately he can describe his feelings and emotions – how does he distinguish between them? I didn’t get a good answer immediately, but the following day he came back and asked ‘why did you say that would be important for work?’
That led on to a discussion about what happens at work if we don’t know how to describe our own reaction to a situation. I think he finds it fascinating that his mother has just had a course reviewed called ‘learning to name your feelings’.
‘But how can you make a COURSE about feelings, ma?’ he asked. I don’t know how well I explained.
Wish you every success, Kavita.
Loved your response dear Sreela and your exercise, discussion with your son. Gratitude 🙂
Yes. The questions we ask and the tone in which we ask, both are critical to whether we get a response or a reaction from the recipient.
A valid issue, kavita. Wish you success.
Sanjna
Thanks for the add on dear Sanjna…Yes, of course the tone does matter along with asking questions.
Kavita ji u r really awesome and articles always give us new thinking and directions I really love reading ur blogs